Gay Marriage, Toddlers, and Boobs

I typically don’t like to write about the same thing everyone else is writing about. I figure there is someone else out there that shares my opinion and is already saying what I want to say but oh well…I feel the need to say something.

The first thing that caught my attention was regarding Obama and gay marriage. Just out of curiosity why do you straight folks make such a big fuss??? In my opinion a majority of y’all don’t even VALUE marriage. At least 50% of you get DIVORCED and I’d say a huge percentage of you don’t even CARE enough to get married in the first place. Infidelity is so common people barely even flinch anymore when they hear about it. People who don’t cheat are considered ODD or a rarity. Their honesty is questioned because, well, everyone cheats these days, right? People act with their emotions and forget too quickly the promises and commitments they made when the going gets rough, they walk off, abandon, and they attempt to justify their choices. Give me a break…it ain’t for y’all to judge what other people choose to do and ESPECIALLY when you aren’t choosing to keep your promises and stay married anyway.

As for the BOOB thing…y’all definitely know I support breastfeeding on so many levels but I also support women who know it ain’t for them. With that statement out the way let me tell you how I’m really feeling. The woman who posed for TIME Magazine knew what she was doing. She knew that nursing her 3-year-old son on the cover would cause controversy. In some respects I’m proud of her bravery yet in other respects I’m concerned that the expression on her face and his attention to the camera didn’t give the right message to the readers. Needless to say, I am still breastfeeding even though my two youngest daughters are well out of the infant stage and yet so often I find myself feeling that I need to hide it or that I should feel shame because so many of you don’t understand and can’t refrain from judging me. One thing that really sticks out are the most commonly made comments. The first is “that mom needs to let go”…umm…for those that know me I “let go” a long time ago. My girls are confident, brave, and independent. They are not hanging on my legs or pulling at my shirt all day and they are not scared to venture off and try new things. The second is “that’s gross…that mom is sick…she just likes having someone suck on her titties”…HUH?!?!?! The mom is sick? Or the person who doesn’t understand the dynamics of breastfeeding and actually thinks a mother would enjoy a toddler “sucking on her breast” is sick? There is nothing pleasant about having a 1-year-old or 2-year-old or 3-year-old trying to nurse while they are twisting or jumping around. It is not a selfish act of pleasure on the mother’s part. As bad as I want to say shame on you for thinking such nasty thoughts I know some of you really just don’t know any better. The assumption that children who breastfeed past 6-months or even 1-year will never grow up is just dead wrong. I’d much prefer my child drink breast milk than Kool Aid in a bottle…yes, I see y’all giving your 2-year-olds Kool Aid in a bottle BUT that’s not my place to judge, is it? So how do we get to the place where I can breastfeed without feeling ashamed of myself and my children and the rest of you can feel comfortable with your decision not to? If my family and other families are comfortable with their decisions then why do the rest of you get so uncomfortable? I don’t know that there is a ready-made solution and I highly doubt the controversy will end any time soon but understand that it is not your place to decide what’s best for my family as it is not my place to judge all of the things you’ve chosen to do with yours. And really folks? How many of ya’ll would get pleasure from having a child on your breast? That is, the type of pleasure your accusations imply?

My Heart Is Somewhere Down South

After graduating in December and passing my boards in January my family made the long awaited trip back home to Pennsylvania on Valentine’s Day. It’s been just over two months since we’ve come “home” but my heart aches and somehow it feels like we’ve been back “forever”. I think that my love for a place that was once a “stranger” is confusing to some but home is where the heart is and my heart is somewhere down south.

I really can’t describe my love for Florida or why it pulls at me. It may be the warm air or the palm trees or the feeling I get when my feet is in the sand and the breeze coming off the ocean is gently caressing my body. There is a sense of peace that surrounds me in that moment and I don’t think I’ve ever found that place here at “home”.

I don’t know when I’ll go back but I do know I’ve got to find away to get my heart back in my body where it belongs. I never expected my heart to feel broken and while I have my partner and my girls right here next to me I feel incomplete. I know that they need me to be me and I know that this means I must let go and find a way to move forward.

I Am Blessed, I Am Blessed

I am blessed, blessed, blessed. I just wanted to say I am blessed. It’s been four months since I graduated from school and three since I passed my boards. Like most newly licensed nurses I received a ton of rejections before I even got a maybe. The funny thing about life is we don’t always get what we want but we are certainly delivered what we need, when we need it. Just in time and after so much support from my other half, friends, family, and professors I received a job offer. While it isn’t the job I dreamed about when I was in school it is a job and more importantly it is a nursing job. I am so excited to enter into the profession and to get everything I can from this stepping stone. I know that in time I will be presented with so many other opportunities but I am ready to live in the present and embrace the one I’ve been given. Many, many thanks to those of you who have been present in my life through it all. It means so much to me to have each and every one be apart of my life. To my other half, I could not have done it without you and I am forever grateful for our partnership and for your encouragement and support. Much love and many thanks.

It Ain’t Always About Me

The fabulous thing about having a personal blog is just that, it’s personal. This means I can write about the things I like, love, and hate. Things that are bothering me. Things that make me happy. Things I am passionate about. Just things. There doesn’t necessarily have to be a rhyme or reason and I certainly don’t owe an explanation for anything. I can just write about whatever, whenever, and however. With that being said please don’t waste time making assumptions…about anything. It ain’t always about me and it ain’t always about you.

Right For You or Right For Them?

It’s amazing to know you have someone in your corner ready to boost your confidence, build up your courage, and support your moves but what happens when this person is supporting something that shouldn’t necessarily be supported? Let’s say something that may not really be in your best interest but may possibly leave you open to benefit them. Would you rather have full support for your good and bad choices? Or would you rather someone who could support you objectively and tell you when you’re wrong? Unfortunately it’s not always clear what people’s motives are when providing us encouragement and even more so unfortunate that we get so lost that we’ll take it from anyone. Be cautious in who you share your life and troubles with. Not everyone has your best interest at heart. If someone is advising you to quit your job or your marriage or to spend a large amount of money on something think twice about accepting their encouragement and take the time to determine if it’s right for you or right for them. Is it what you wanted to hear or needed to hear? At the end of the day the only person that has to live your life is you so make smart decisions!

What About Your Backyard?

I am all about advocating and supporting those who are in need of one or the other but what concerns me is that soooooo much energy has been put into one situation and yet people (men, women, and children of all ages and races) are gunned down every day in our communities and it rarely even reaches the news, let alone becomes a country-wide revolution.

I sat in my car yesterday waiting for my 10 year old to come out of the corner store and watched the folks greeting each other in the street. It was in the upper 70′s which is rare for March in the northeast and so many people were outside to enjoy it. The funny thing about drastic changes in weather is that when they occur you’re bound to witness anything. It was obvious that there are some drug addicts and more than likely drug dealers in this community and even more so evident that this new neighborhood was just like many of the previous neighborhoods we’ve lived in and that it wouldn’t be spared from the violence and crime we’re used to seeing and hearing.

Many of you may not know how I got all that from a change in the weather but those of you who do understand where I’m coming from should also know that I’m aware that any of us could easily become a victim of any crime or altercation that occurs in this neighborhood or any other. This is an unfortunate reality for so many people all over the world and yet too often we just remain silent and numb because we anticipate it.

I love and appreciate the passion that you all have put into supporting this cause and this demand for justice but what about your own communities? Your own children? Would you “snitch”? Would you protest in your own streets? Would you be brave enough to rally against your neighbors? I’m not saying don’t support Trayvon, I’m just saying don’t forget that your own backyards need protecting too.

Struggling For The Spotlight

Being the mother of all of these lovely girls is as challenging as I always say it is. Somehow parenting just kind of happens everyday though whether you’re up for it or not and although you may plan for certain things, you can’t plan for everything. When I started having kids so many years ago (or so it feels) I wasn’t sure on the number we’d have but as we continued to plan for them and they continued to arrive I never really assessed how exciting yet disappointing it might feel to be a child in our home. While there is never a moment of silence or a sense of stillness there is some sort of comfort in being in a house so full of life. While that last statement may ring true for me it seems to frustrate the girls many times. Lately as I watch my middle child trying to climb to the top and shine through so much commotion she seems to be struggling. Although there are technically 3 middle children, she is the true middle child coming 3rd in the midst of 5. I think it’s safe to say that she gave up her position as “baby” without her consent and in doing so gave up things she wasn’t ready to.

As their mother I try so hard to allow them the spotlight they yearn for but it pains me to watch their bright glow diminish to just a faint glimmer of light when their timing is off and I’m running thin on patience and energy or one of their sisters is having a moment. There was once a time when the middle child was the life of the household. She carried an energy that couldn’t be ignored. She loved to make people smile and laugh and she offered protection to her older sister. I used to joke that she should have been the eldest as she was always so comfortable and bold when expressing herself. These days it seems like she just struggles to even be noticed though and that her timing is never “right”. Her once musical voice has turned babyish and while I know she is just looking for attention I can’t help but cringe and feel aggravated when I hear my “big girl” whining. Yesterday was her 8th birthday and of course her baby sister has some sort of stomach virus that started in the night, continued yesterday, and is still present. This meant I wasn’t up to going anywhere or doing much of anything with her and although I allowed her to make her own cupcakes, it was obvious that she was disappointed and maybe even felt a little cheated.

I know that some people have the “she’ll get over it” mentality and other’s feel bad for her but the truth is I am somewhere in the middle. I can’t be everything for everyone at every moment no matter how hard I try but I do try to give them my best as often as I can. I know that there will be other reason’s to celebrate her life, presence, and accomplishments but I can’t imagine it feels good to be cheated out of the spotlight. Although I can’t give her yesterday back I’ve made a clear note to myself that I need to schedule time for each one of them and that I need to do it soon. As babies grow into toddlers and toddlers into children and children into young adults and young adults into adults the need to feel wanted and to belong doesn’t really change. I don’t want my children to grow into young adults who are seeking the wrong kind of attention and I know that if they don’t get what they need at home there will be someone else outside the home more than willing to give it to them. We have what seems like both a long yet very short road ahead of us. I know that even when I’m tired and challenged, having happy, healthy daughters is priceless and well worth the sweat and tears that being a parent sometimes brings. Here’s to getting my middle daughter back on track and to getting all of her sisters to move over and make room for her.

I’m Not Just A Mom

I’ve been blogging for more than a year but it wasn’t until recently that I did the Twitter thing. Only having 140 characters to express myself is a challenge for me and truthfully since not many of my “real” friends use it the appeal just wasn’t there but like many people I caved and I signed up for an account. The decision to cave came after the statement that anybody with a business or a blog should have one. I guess it’s free promotion if used correctly but interaction is required and there’s no guarantee even then. Either way a couple months have passed and it’s become evident that I’m emitting “Mom-Waves” and it’s not just happening on Twitter, I must be doing it on Facebook too. See all of my suggestions are “mom” or “baby” related and while my primary focus is on my children and I choose to blog about my family often, you will rarely find me talking about diapers, bottles, baby fashion, or play dates. Instead I’m more interested in society, relationships, and behaviors that will have an effect on them or on our communities. This doesn’t mean I’m knocking them, it’s just means we’re not all talking about the same things. After being invited to another mom group (which I will remain apart of) I wonder why mom’s all get grouped together. Becoming a parent these days seems to mean you lose your identity and your other interests. While I will confirm that some of our behaviors need to be modified to make room for our children, I am still very much ME and I still crave adult interaction that doesn’t have anything to do with dirty diapers and mashed peas. Maybe I’ve read into it. Maybe people can still see that I’m an individual who happens to have a family but something tells me most people only see me as another “mom”.

No Two Audiences Are The Same

The funny thing about audiences is that no two audiences are the same. The other funny thing is that you can’t make assumptions about them or what they will understand. Lately I’ve become irritated by some of the comments that I’ve received (not on here, just in general) but I wonder if it’s their fault or if it’s really my own. Have I forgotten to assess my audience? Have I shared my messages in a manner that isn’t clear? Did I take for granted that they knew the minor details? I don’t know but for their sake I’m just going to say it’s me and that I need to make some changes. I need to learn to gracefully accept or reject their feedback as needed and since I’ve never been one to just ignore a person and keep them around, the challenge for me will be learning to respond appropriately to those I do not want to offend. It’s a challenge I’m up to because I think mastering it will actually help me in the professional setting but in the meantime my first step will be learning to mask my initial response and not push away those that may otherwise have something to offer me or the rest of my audience.

Parenting (Or Lack Thereof)

During the past day or so I’ve been on a constant rant about parenting (or lack thereof) and children with social network accounts and cellphones. I know that there are probably a few people who think I’m arrogant or maybe that believe I’d consider myself a perfect parent with perfect children but this couldn’t be further from the truth. I actually am just a fearful yet socially aware parent who not too long ago was also a teenager and I believe that children need constant supervision and that the older they get, the more creative they get and that giving them a cellphone will not replace our responsibilities or presence. Our children need us in their face, asking them questions, and following up continuously and while we are going to find things we don’t like from time to time we have to be prepared to address them and more importantly they need to know that we care enough to do so.

The reason my ranting took place this week is because I found 10, 11, and 12 year old children with social website accounts who had profile pictures taken in their classrooms, who talked about going outside in their panties and bras, who cursed and used n***a excessively, and who professed their love for their boyfriends and girlfriends publicly over the internet. Now I won’t pretend that when we were children we weren’t doing equally bold things but I will say that since I was able to see these children’s public profiles I know that their parent’s also have access to them. The question really becomes why aren’t they equally appalled? Children will be children. They will experiment and try new things. They will push the limits and push our buttons. While I know that I will be paid back for all the things I did times five I’m not just going to lay back and wait for it. I will attempt to intervene as much as I can. We cannot replace our duties with gadgets and only react to tragedies. The future of society really does depend on our children and we have a duty to teach, protect, and nurture them consistently and to the best of our abilities.