Monthly Archives: April 2011

Every Second Counts

Have you ever looked back at all the places you’ve been, people you’ve met, things you’ve seen and thought about how you’ve reached that very moment. I often wonder how different things would be if I had just done one thing differently. Truth is I don’t wish to be anyone but who I am and although there are some things that could be easier I don’t wish to change anything. We often waste a lot of times on things that just aren’t worth the effort but then again, everything’s a learning experience, right?

As a teenager and later as a young mother I found that there were a few women in my life who wholeheartedly wished to see me succeed and who would give me their last when I was in need. Those women were selfless and probably had more in common with me than I realized at the time. Although we each are living very different lives now we could have easily all traveled down identical paths and been destined for identical futures. Every second of our lives count and at any second our actions could take us in a very different direction. Step wisely and follow your heart. It will take you where you’re destined to be.

Written April 29, 2011

A Person’s Perception Is Their Reality

A person’s perception is their reality. Whether they’re right or wrong is irrelevant. The situation or what they believe it to be still needs to be both respected and addressed. It is likely their belief is based on past experiences or if it pertains to you, your actions. Too often we hear what we want to hear and disregard the rest therefore we miss the important details that fall in between. If we spent less time passing judgement, making assumptions, and getting defensive we may begin to understand why a person really feels the way they do. We will not always agree with others but it is not only beneficial to them but also to ourselves to disagree gracefully as we will likely benefit from whatever lesson we are being presented. It is equally important to understand how or why other people feel the way they do. There is absolutely no way to know who we will meet in our futures and how they or today will change our future forever.

Written April 24, 2011

Too Much Of Something

So it’s true sometimes too much of something is just too much. A little over a year ago I moved out of state to attend a nursing program. When we initially moved I was really looking forward to the great weather that lasts year round. In the back of my mind I intended on enjoying it as much as possible and in reality I still should but truth be told life happened, I kept busy, and the great weather got old. I know most of my up north friends would probably laugh at this especially when they are sitting in a pile of snow but I truly miss those “nice” days when Spring first shines through and those last days of Summer when you know Fall is just around the corner. I guess change isn’t always such a bad thing. Sometimes it’s just nice to have something to look forward to.

Written April 14, 2011

Condoms For Children

I watched a brief video on NBC Philadelphia’s website this morning regarding the practice of providing condoms to children as young as 11 years old. I, being a mother to 5 beautiful girls (one of which is 11), am concerned but in a sense slightly relieved by this. Unfortunately while we, as parents, want our children to behave and be respectable, responsible, goal driven individuals we will not always get exactly what we are hoping for. Our children are only “ours” while they are in our homes and in our sight but outside of that they are individuals and will at some point be making a majority of their own decisions.

While I’m saddened by the news that Philadelphia and I’m sure other locations have so many young children being treated for STD’s and pregnancies I think it wise that they be educated and protected in all they do, even if it is to have sex at such a young age. We as parents need to educate our children about their bodies, the benefits of waiting, and how to protect themselves and not feel intimidated by this topic. It is the parents responsibility to be present in their child’s life, to teach them all that they need to know and more, and to guide them on their way to adulthood. While I’d love each of my daughters to wait, to finish school, and to go on and get college degrees before they even think of boys I know that this is more than likely not reality.

I hope that those of you who are outraged by this will somehow be able to process it to the point of understanding. If the city did not have such a high rate of teen pregnancy and STDs there would have never been a need for the condoms in the first place. The only thing you can do is teach your children. If you don’t they will learn what they want to know elsewhere even if what they are told is not the truth. The only way to prevent them from being misled by their peers and the things they witness on TV and elsewhere is to teach them the facts yourself.

For those of you who wish to view this here is the link:

http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Condoms_Available_for_Kids_As_Young_As_11_Philadelphia-119796839.html

Written April 14, 2011

The Inquisitive Number 2

The Inquisitive Number 2 turned 9 in January but this doesn’t say too much about who she is, her development, or her ideas of the world. Many times you’ll find her whining and acting like a 2 year old because she is rebelling against her big sister role but even more often you’ll find her asking questions or drilling you until she is satisfied by your response. These encounters can be very interesting and occasionally make you feel like you are under attack. She is as a 9 year old relatively black and white in her ideas but I believe that as she grows and as she is exposed to different things she is learning to make sense of them with very subtle shades of gray. It is interesting to watch her grow and develop into the individual she is but I often worry more for her than any of my other children for a few different reasons.

The Inquisitive Number 2 got off to a pretty rough start. As a young girl she was exposed to many things she should not have been and that was due to the relationship her father and I had. It wasn’t very healthy towards the end and she was too often present for many things she should not have been witness to at any age. It took a while for her to have a good relationship with her step-father and I even remember her once saying, “Yes, I love him (her step-father) but it doesn’t matter because one day he will hurt us. That’s what Daddy’s do”. Figuring out ways to convince her that her perception wasn’t intended to be anyones reality hasn’t always been easy but now that she is older she seems to be convinced that she will be well taken care of.

Another reason that I worry for her is that she has an unnecessary fear of death and a dislike for “old” people. I’m not sure where either of these things came from as she has never witnessed death nor has she had a poor experience with old people but none the less they are very real feelings for her. She recently witnessed a discussion that my mother and I had about something I’d watched on CNN called “Unwelcome: Muslims In America” and was immediately concerned that Muslims (that she knows and doesn’t know) would be killed here and that her grandmother who is not Muslim but lives in the Middle East would also be killed. She also becomes very concerned and even cries whenever there is a show or discussion going on about natural disasters such as hurricanes, earthquakes, tornados and most times the topic or show has to be ended immediately.

On a positive note she is also very interested in learning about the world and how things work and how they were made. She is in the gifted program at her school and loves to read. My hope and prayer is that after all these questions and lessons she will be able to decipher things for herself and is not easily influenced by outside beliefs that are based on hate. I hope that the Inquisitive Number 2 can resolve some of her fears and that she can in her future have healthy relationships with other people of all sexes, ages, races, and religions. I do not believe what we are depicts who we are but rather that our experiences do. With the help of the many people in her life I hope to convince her the death is real but that we should not let the fear of it consume us, that people can be hurtful and even violent but that this is not normal or accepted, and that while natural disasters do happen and more often lately than anyone would like they are unfortunately something that we will have to live with and be prepared for. I encourage her questions and love when I am able to answer them in ways that make sense to her but I am not ashamed to point her in the right direction when her questions are not about something I have studied. I am thankful that she is inquisitive and I hope that her thirst for knowledge never ends.

Written April 10, 2011

Would You Trade Your Independence For A Helping Hand?

As a child I was so sure I wanted to have my own home and my own family and especially my independence but now that I am an adult with children I wonder what it would be like if we lived in a country where our parents remained in the home with us. Would it be easier on the family? The children? He and I? I can’t imagine being able to eat dinner without someone tugging on me or needing something. I can’t imagine being able to just get up and go to the store or even take a nap knowing that the kids would be ok, happy, and safe without me. Yes of course they have a father who can help when he is not working but because we coordinate our schedules to minimize the needs for childcare this is not often and surely not exactly when I need it. Sometimes I want to scream “I am only one person!” (and sometimes I do) when everyone needs something at exactly the same time. Some would say that I chose to sacrifice these things when I decided to have a family and in most respects I did but are children supposed to be raised by just a mother and father or would they too benefit from the help of others? Could they learn more valuable lessons this way? Feel more secure? And of course get to appreciate these relationships with their extended family members on a consistent basis?

Written April 10, 2011