Category Archives: Infidelity/Divorce

The Other Woman

I saw a Facebook status today about girlfriends/wives/baby mamas getting mad at the “other” woman and how they really needed to direct their issue at their boyfriend/husband/baby daddy since the “other” woman owed them nothing. Let me say now before I continue that I agree with the above 1,000%. Issues really need to be brought up inside of the relationship because that is where the promises have been made and that is where the infidelity has been committed. You won’t find another woman who feels bad for you especially if she knew about you from jump so don’t expect any assistance going that route.

Personally as a woman if I were to be put into a situation where I became aware of some funny business I would go directly to my boyfriend/husband/baby daddy. I think going first to the “other” woman says a lot to her about your insecurities or the instability of your relationship and only adds fuel to the fire but what concerns me is that so many women are so comfortable playing off the weaknesses and bad fortune of other women. I find it absolutely disgusting that so many women are happier boosting their self-esteem by thinking they are winning something rather than by just being virtuous women. My question for those women is what have you gained? A man who is disrespectful and dishonest? A man who lacks the esteem necessary to voice his needs in his primary relationship? A man who would willingly and openly break vows and so eagerly put the stability of his children’s home at risk? This prize, this man you’ve won is really a weak one. I’d much rather boast about winning a man of my own, a man who loves me and only me, and a man who puts his family first and his immature desires second.

What so many of the “other” women fail to take into account is that there is usually not just one of you, you are just full filling a role, one that leaves you looking rather insignificant. You are just a means to some brief entertainment. You’d gain much more by valuing yourself and giving what you have to offer to a man or partner who was deserving. Women need to be more conscious of the roles they play in each others lives and take a serious look at how we are too often the reason each other falls. Stick up for each other, defend each other, and respect each other. Not because you are friends or family but simply because you are women.

Infidelity

I recently answered a post on a friend’s Facebook status…

The question was “why cheat when you have someone who is overly faithful?”

That is a question that unfortunately too many people ask themselves when they experience infidelity.  Although this status referred to a relationship it can also apply to other aspects of our lives.  Each and everyone of us has been cheated on, has cheated ourselves, or knows someone who has done one or the other.  My response was that there really is no explanation other than the person doing the cheating does not respect themselves or others and that most importantly the one who is victim to the cheating must understand that it is not a direct reflection of themselves.

Too often cheating happens.  It happens in relationships and more importantly friends can feel the same way when someone is disloyal to them.  The feeling of being “cheated on” is like no other especially when it wasn’t something someone anticipated.  Usually the person who did the cheating really has no explanation for their actions (because it was a dumb thing to do anyway you look at it) and that can really make a person feel worse.  How can one make you feel this way and not even care to make an excuse?  My opinion aside from the lack of respect is that when people are cheating they are living in the moment with no idea of how the consequences will factor into their future.  These people often have difficulty controlling impulses and were not held responsible for their actions as children.

I think it is unfortunate that in today’s society cheating has become an everyday part of life.  Amongst our friends, in our homes, and on the media.  Celebrities are cheating on their spouses, suing for custody, and alimony.  All the money in the world cannot replace the pain that a child will feel when this happens in their home.  Then we have the women who have no respect for another woman’s home.  I know many women who target married men.  They claim to “enjoy” getting what they want without the responsibility but do they really have what they want?  Do they realize that not only are they disrespecting another person’s home and that they are jeopardizing the stability and future of a child’s home, but that they are also disrespecting themselves?

I believe that we need to work harder at maintaining our homes.  I believe that our children’s future is dependent upon it.  We can not expect to raise independent, responsible, respectful, and honest children if we can not behave this way ourselves.  I remind my daughters everyday that when they lie, this demonstrates their ability to cheat, and someone who cheat’s will also steal.  That is not a future that I want for my daughters.  I expect them to be loyal, I expect them to be respectful, and I expect them to be honest with themselves and others.  We must lead by example.  We must hold other’s responsible for their actions.  We must be prepared to take responsibility of our own actions and we must be clear with ourselves and others about what we will accept.

Love yourselves and love the one you’re with.  If you feel inclined to cheat than that indicates you feel as though you are missing something.  If you are missing something have you communicated it with your partner?  Have you asked them to provide it for you?  Don’t expect that someone else can read your mind.  Give your significant other the opportunity to provide it to you.  If they refuse maybe you’re in the wrong relationship but don’t ever assume what you want you can’t get a home.  If you find that they just cannot provide you with what your asking, whether it’s sex, time, conversation, or whatever then have that conversation with them.  Don’t jeopardize your future and the future of your family over a fast decision.  While you may be forgiven the damage will have been done and that one night of lust may lead to the birth of a child outside the home or a disease that cannot be returned.  If you find that your cheating was a mistake and you get away with the act how will you explain the baby on your doorstep or the call back from the clinic.  PLEASE RESPECT YOUR BODY AND BY ALL MEANS RESPECT OTHERS.