Oh goodness. I wrote that last post and I almost forgot. Something that I hear so often is that good people go to church and the only REAL, RECOGNIZABLE partnerships are marriages. These are two HUGE misconceptions. It’s Sunday. Check your church going behaviors and your relationship status. Now reevaluate how you feel about those two things. A church goer don’t make a good person. A good person makes a good PERSON. A ring don’t make a relationship work or a good husband or wife for that matter. A committed, supportive, loving, and devoted partner makes a good husband or wife. With that being said be kind and be true to the ones around you. If you find yourself in a good place don’t fall victim to the misinterpretations of society and don’t ever let someone tell you your husband or wife is unrecognizable without the paper. It’s a relationship and a union not a document.
I remember the first time I read this post by a friend entitled Wifey vs. Wife. Immediately, like many people naturally do, I started applying what I was reading to myself and my situation and I began to feel myself getting defensive. The problem is that the post isn’t about me or my situation even but like many other women I’m playing the wife role without the ring. Luckily for me I’m not waiting for it and don’t rush home looking for it but that’s only because we communicated with each other and made the choice not to get married right now or maybe ever. The thing is that even though we aren’t married I don’t feel any less committed or any less important. I have a clear respect for marriage and it’s sanctity but I also know from my past experience that being married doesn’t guarantee happiness or even a successful relationship. Even though I am at peace with the decision we made I do have one problem and that is my title or lack there of. I have never been called “wifey” but I get that many people are and that they naively enjoy it. There are many times, especially when conducting business, that he refers to me as his wife but I think this is to avoid confusing others and for lack of a better term especially when he’s talking about household or children. In my opinion I am in too deep to be somebody’s girlfriend and I’m certainly way past being somebody’s “babymama”. So then I ask what am I? How do I express to the world that I am just as important to my family without the ring as all of the wives are to theirs? Can I even do so without disrespecting the union they’ve created in front of God? We’ve raised a generation of men and women that no longer need a piece of paper to make it real for them and more importantly a generation who no longer believes in it’s value or it’s purpose, so how do we now redefine our relationship “status” without disrespecting ourselves or those who have chosen to make marriage a major part of theirs? Can I really find a title that brings me the same pride a wife feels without devaluing their union or has society gotten ahead of itself?